|
" Rights to Anger "Written By: Emerald Pillow Disclaimer: I don't own GW or their boys, wish
I did. Warnings: Angst Pairings: 1x3 Summary: Trowa is having a bad dream and when Heero refuses to acknowledge him he wonders what the hell it was he did wrong. Rating: R
" Rights to Anger "
Thunder bellowed throughout the night sky. Closing his eyes, Trowa gathered as much energy as he could to move; but it wasn't enough. The pain was so great and spread out that he couldn't pinpoint its origin. "Trowa?!?" His eyes slid open to reveal Heero next to him. The left side of the Japanese man's face was covered in blood, but seemed otherwise okay. "Trowa, can you move?" He tried to answer Heero's question, but no words submerged from his parted lips. "Save your strength then." Heero attempted to move him, but it seemed to only cause more pain. "Heero-" Heero looked down at the Latin, laying him gently back to the ground. "Just hold on. An ambulance is on the way." "I can't see you." Trowa whispered softly, after realizing that his vision was gone. "Just listen to my voice then. You can survive this. Don't give up." He felt Heero's hand against his cheek and somehow understood that it wasn't blood being wiped aside. He cupped the Latin's blood drenched hand in his own and kissed his fingers. "Don't give up on me Trowa. Be strong. . .be strong for me. Trowa?. . .TROWA!!!" Trowa sat up straight as thunder echoed in his ears. His emerald eyes scanned the dimly lit room. He was in his bedroom; Heero sleeping next to him. It had been a dream. Knowing this, Trowa calmed considerably. As of late, the same dream had been appearing frequently. The outcome was always the same: he would wake before dying in Heero's arms. Trowa looked over at his sleeping lover. Any other time, Heero would have waken with him, but the past few nights were different. It was probably due to all the hours he had been pulling at work. It wasn't unusual for Heero to be gone by time Trowa woke up each morning, and return after the Latin had fallen asleep. Taking a few shaky breaths, he laid down and stared at the ceiling. To take his mind from the dream, he focused on Heero's steady breathing. It had just been a dream, nothing else. Yet it seemed so real. ~ The front door of the small apartment opened, and Trowa knew that it was Heero. He was all too familiar with his lover's footsteps. Part of him wondered if he should even bother to say anything as Heero entered the room. An unknown reason left a space between the two that seem to be growing larger. "Hey." Trowa breathed slightly, wondering if this time Heero would respond. The answer was 'no' as Heero headed straight to the bathroom to shower. Being a construction worker only made showering when he got home a ritual. Sometimes, Trowa would join him, but the last time he tried, Heero ignored his advances. Sex had gotten scarce as well. It had been a week since they last made love. It was enough for Trowa to fear that Heero was finding enjoyment elsewhere. However, every time the thought emerged, he quickly dowsed it before it could spread. After all, Heero's default wasn't loyalty; it was communicating his feelings. Heero's recent actions weren't brought on by unfaithfulness. That much Trowa was sure. What he didn't understand was what had brought about this behavior. He had seen Heero like this once before. At that time, they had just started dating, and Trowa had yet given up his flirting habit. Without meaning to, he had flirted with another man in front of Heero. The treatment afterwards was enough for Trowa to kick his habit. That memory was what made Trowa believe that he had done something wrong. . .he just couldn't remember what. Trowa's thoughts were interrupted as he heard Heero reenter the room; shower completed and fully clothed. The Japanese man stopped and stared at the couch, where Trowa was sitting. Their eyes didn't meet, but Trowa could see the sadness in them. "I made dinner." Closing his eyes, Heero didn't respond to Trowa's words, continued to the front door and left the small apartment. Trowa closed his misty eyes and leaned against the couch cushion. Whatever Trowa had done must have hurt Heero on more levels than could be imagine. Even with the flirting incident, Heero had informed Trowa of his error. This time was different. ~ "I just don't understand why you keep doing this to yourself Heero." Duo stated as he watched his friend prepare his drink of a dark soda and rum. Heero didn't respond. He had been through this argument time and time again with the American. "Maybe you should just move out of here. All it's doing is making you worse." "Duo-" "As long as you stay in this apartment, Trowa's going to continue to torment you. I know it's hard buddy, but you have to start somewhere. If you don't take steps to improving, you're just going to start back sliding." Heero slumped into the chair next to Duo and drank deeply. "That's not going to help either." Duo stated and took the glass from Heero. "Believe me. Been there. Done that. Doesn't make any difference. The only way you're going to heal is to move on." "Maybe I don't want to heal." "You don't mean that." "Duo, I'm not like you. I can't jump from one guy to another with ease." "I'm not saying you have to become a whore. I'm just saying that maybe you should start seeing people." "Trowa's the only one that would ever understand anything about me." "You don't know that unless you try." Heero looked up at Duo in apathy. "I know it hurts. Believe me, I know all too well what you're going through. . .but it'll hurt even more if you do nothing to ease yourself. You need to get out of here, like now, before you destroy yourself. If you want, you can room with me until you find somewhere else." "Maybe you're right." "Don't take anything, just go. Trowa'll understand." Trowa's fist tighten as he listened to Duo's words. Understand? How was he suppose to understand when he didn't even know what had happened? He wasn't surprised to hear Duo supporting a break up between Trowa and Heero; after all, Duo was the one that vocally stated time and time again that it wouldn't work. Trowa opened his eyes as Heero walked past him. He clenched his fist and followed his lover to the bedroom. Heero must be taking Duo's advice as he was pulling a duffel bag from the closet. "Heero, you can't be serious." Trowa whispered softly, but as before, Heero ignored him. "Can't you talk to me? At least tell me why you're leaving me." Tears spilled from Trowa's cheeks. For the first time in his life, he didn't control himself. Was this what the dream was about? Foreshadowing Heero's leaving? Angry at the lack of communication, Trowa stormed over to Heero and reached for his wrist to stop him from packing. Horror filled Trowa as his hand easily soared through Heero's, and straight into the dresser drawer. Panic swept over him as he jumped back. He looked up in time for Heero to walk directly through him with no problems. His widen green eyes landed on Jezebel, who was laying on the bed staring at him. Wanting some sort of reassurance, he walked over to the kitten and kneeled before her. He extended his hand toward her. Jezebel began purring as his hand penetrated the kitten. It hadn't been a dream. It was only flashbacks to how he had died. "Heero, what are you doing?" Duo's voice caused Trowa to turn around. Heero stood in the doorway for a moment before entering and claiming the kitten from the mattress. Trowa closed his eyes as Heero stood inside him and suddenly he remembered everything; even his own funeral. Heero had been collected during the funeral. It wasn't until the last person left that he broke down at Trowa's grave side. "I'm so sorry Heero." Trowa whispered as Heero left the room. "I was so angry thinking you were leaving me; when it was I who left you." Trowa looked over his shoulder in time to witness Heero leaving. Jezebel's head could be seen over his shoulder, her yellow eyes staring at Trowa. She gave a cry as if saying good-bye. ~ * ~ Chapter |
